Chasing Shadows
In this post, I want to chat about something that’s been swirling in my head lately: finding happiness. It’s one of those phrases we toss around all the time, right? “I just want to be happy!”
But what does that really mean? I’ve been wrestling with that question for months (at the time of writing), and I’ll be honest with you: I’m still figuring it out.
For ages, I didn’t know what finding happiness looked like for me. My partner and I have been digging into this together, and it’s been difficult.
Without a clear idea of what makes me happy, I’ve been scrambling, chasing fleeting sparks of joy, like a kid running after fireflies. It’s fun for a second, but then it’s gone, and I’m left often wondering, “What’s next?”
The Joy Trap
I’ve noticed I’ve been bouncing between things that feel good in the moment, maybe a laugh with friends or a shiny distraction, but I haven’t paused to think about what truly fuels my soul.
Here’s the thing: because I haven’t cracked the code on finding happiness, I’ve been stuck in this weird in-between space. Not miserable, but definitely not joyful either.
What Drives Me
Now, I’m not chasing money or fancy toys. Sure, a cool gadget’s nice, but it’s not my thing. What I love is people, connection, being with those who matter.
But I’ve realized I don’t know what a healthy, happy relationship looks like. That hit me like a ton of bricks on my quest for finding happiness.
A Painful Truth
A few months back, at 55 years young, I faced a tough truth: in all my years, I’ve only been faithful to one woman. That stings to think about. Admitting it hurt, and yeah, it still does.
Some might judge, but I’m done worrying about that. This is me, raw and honest, sharing my messy path to finding happiness with you.
The Cost of the Chase
In my scramble for finding happiness, I chased whatever felt good, often hurting people I cared about along the way. I didn’t have the emotional intelligence to stop and ask, “Am I happy? What would make me happy?”
Instead, I stumbled into habits like dishonesty and infidelity. I thought they’d fill the void, but they just left me (and others) hurting.
Facing the Mirror
Coming to terms with this isn’t easy. It still hurts to think about the pain I caused. I can handle my own wounds, but knowing I hurt others? That’s the gut punch that lingers.
Finding happiness, I’ve learned, can’t come at someone else’s expense.
The Big Questions
So, I’ve been asking myself: What does happiness look like for me? What’s contentment feel like? I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’m digging in.
The one thing I do know is that dishonesty and unfaithfulness aren’t the answer, not for me, not for anyone.
Making Amends
These past few months, I’ve been tough on myself, wrestling with the past but also trying to let it go. I can’t undo what’s done, but I can say sorry where it’s owed, and I’ve started that. It’s humbling, and it’s part of my work toward finding happiness that lasts.
Building Happiness Now
Right now, I’m focused on the present. I’m learning to be faithful, to my partner, to myself, and to uncover what finding happiness really means. I don’t want to keep chasing it in the wrong places.
Happiness isn’t something you stumble into; it’s something you build, right here, right now.
Let’s Talk
So, that’s where I’m at. It’s messy, it’s painful, but it’s me. I’d love to hear from you: what does finding happiness look like for you? How do you figure it out? Let me know in the comments below. We’re all in this wild, beautiful life together, after all.
Until next time, take care, and maybe ask yourself what sparks your joy. You might just get closer to finding happiness too.
With love,
Karl
