When something difficult lands in your lap, what do you tell yourself?
For years, my answer was “I can do this.” Or “I’ve got this.” Or “No problem.”
And I meant it. I’ve had plenty of stuff to deal with over the years, and I’ve dealt with it. If you’ve been around long enough, the same is probably true for you. Whether you’re capable of handling things is rarely in question.
The trouble is, being able to do something and actually doing it are two very different things.
Way too many times, I’ve known full well I could sort a problem out, and I’ve put it off instead. Sat on my hands. Found something else to do. Told myself I’d get to it tomorrow. Yes, I could. Yes, I can. But I didn’t.
That gap between “I can” and “I did” is where self-sabotage lives.
A different question
So I’ve stopped asking myself “Can I handle this?” I already know the answer. The question that matters is “Will I?”
That’s the difference between a statement of capability and a statement of intent. “I can handle it” describes what you’re able to do. “I will handle it” is a commitment to actually do it.
The phrase I use comes from Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I first heard it in a YouTube video, and it stuck with me straight away:
“Whatever happens, I will handle it.”
What I like most is the first half. Whatever happens. Not “if it goes to plan” or “once I’m feeling up to it”. Whatever turns up, I’ll deal with it.
(If you’re a bloke working on yourself, I’d also recommend No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It’s a different book, but it’s had a big influence on how I think about all this.)
Why the words matter
I’ve been saying this to myself a lot lately, and I genuinely think it’s making a difference.
Here’s why I think it works. A belief is just something you’ve told yourself enough times that it sinks in.
If you keep saying “I can” and then don’t follow through, you’re quietly teaching yourself that you’re the sort of person who doesn’t follow through.
Say “I will” often enough, and back it up, and you start teaching yourself something different. Bit by bit, you chip away at the old beliefs that keep you stuck.
It isn’t magic, and it isn’t positive thinking for the sake of it. It’s simply choosing words that point you towards action rather than away from it.
How I use it
Nothing complicated. When I notice myself saying “I can do this” or “I’ve got this”, I swap it for “I will handle this” or “I will take care of this”. I say it out loud when I’m feeling resistant, which is usually when I need it most.
Then I do one small thing. Send the email. Make the call. Open the document. The words only stick if something follows them, and even a tiny step counts.
Some days I still slip. That’s fine. It takes practice and a bit of time. But every time I choose “I will” over “I can”, the habit gets a little stronger.
Give it a go
If you’re struggling to get motivated, or you keep putting off things you know you’re perfectly able to do, try this for a week. Next time something tough comes up, don’t tell yourself you can handle it. You already know that.
Tell yourself you will.
Whatever happens, I will handle it.
If you’d like more on the way you talk to yourself, have a read of How to Change Your Inner Dialogue and Stop Negative Self-Talk. And if you’ve got questions, leave them in the comments below.
