Confronting the Past
Not long ago I had a really tough day. I faced the weight of my past self-destructive and self-sabotaging behaviors, which have left deep marks on my life, and especially on my daughters.
My separation from their mother, my former partner, has taken a toll on them. They’ve distanced themselves, angry and disappointed by my actions, and that realization cut deeply. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt my daughters. I caused this pain, and coming to terms with that was one of the most painful things that I’ve ever had to contemplate.
Struggling with Focus
I struggled to focus on work, I just couldn’t get past my guilt and sadness, and I felt the full force of my emotions.
But through this, I reminded myself of a vital lesson: it’s okay to not be okay. I learned this through reading, studying, and reflecting on my journey. Growth isn’t a straight line, and setbacks and down-days are part of the process.
It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
Instead of trying to fight the pain, I allowed myself to feel it. I acknowledged the hurt without letting it completely overwhelm me. Yes, I made mistakes. Yes, I hurt the people I love.
But I hold onto the hope that we can repair our relationships with time and effort, especially with my daughters. But, for now, I gave myself permission to simply be, and to trust that it would eventually pass.
Finding Strength in Self-Compassion
This experience was a powerful reminder to be kind to myself. My mistakes do not make me a failure. I might have made a mess but that doesn’t mean that I’m a mess. They are part of my story, not all of it. And it’s Okay to Not Be Okay.
By allowing this moment of reflection, I found strength in accepting that healing takes time. I’m committed to this journey, knowing that each step, even the painful ones, brings me closer to becoming the person I want to be.
A Final Word
This is not a polished or perfect story. It is not a guide to getting everything right. It is just the truth.
If you are walking through your own struggle with guilt, shame or self-sabotage, I see you.
You are not broken. You are human. And that is more than enough.
