Your inner self-critic isn’t your friend. It’s actually your enemy. It’s a significant driver of self-sabotage, and it’s time we addressed it head-on with a strategy that actually works.
What Is Your Inner Critic?
Your inner critic is essentially a collection of limiting beliefs you absorbed during childhood. These beliefs were embedded by significant people in your life (parents, teachers, caregivers) and you internalized them so deeply that they feel like absolute truth.
These beliefs typically center around feelings of:
- Unworthiness
- Being unlovable
- Inadequacy
- Uselessness
The cruel irony? When you engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, you’re actually feeding your inner critic evidence that it’s right. “See? You’re useless. You can’t get anything right. Why do you keep making the same mistakes?”
Why Traditional Approaches Don’t Work
Here’s the problem with most advice about dealing with your inner critic: it suggests tackling it head-on. But your inner critic is part of you. You can’t simply ignore it or fight it directly. That approach is exhausting and rarely effective.
The Mosquito Strategy: A Better Approach
Think of your inner critic like a mosquito. When it’s buzzing right next to your ear, it keeps you awake and drives you crazy. But if that same mosquito is on the other side of the room, it’s still there. It’s just not close enough to bother you.
The goal isn’t to eliminate your inner critic entirely (that’s probably impossible), but to move it further away so it has less power over you.
A Practical Method That Works
Here’s the strategy that’s been working for me:
1. Acknowledge Reality
First, acknowledge that yes, you’ve made mistakes. Your inner critic isn’t entirely wrong. You have messed up, done dumb things, made poor choices. Don’t try to deny this reality.
2. Counter with Evidence
But then immediately counter with evidence of your successes. Your inner critic conveniently ignores all the good things you’ve accomplished, all your positive contributions, all your growth. Don’t let it.
Say to your inner critic: “Yes, but I’ve also done this, this, and this well.”
3. Establish Your Identity
This is the key phrase that’s been game-changing for me: “I am not you. I am better than you.”
You might not feel this initially, but saying these words begins to chip away at the critic’s power. It won’t happen instantly, but with repetition, the inner critic starts shouting less loudly.
A Real-World Example
Let me share a recent example from my own life. For weeks, I’d been putting off calling a potential client. My inner critic was having a field day: “You’re useless! You can’t even pick up the phone. Call yourself a businessman?”
Six to twelve months ago, I would have wallowed in this criticism, reinforcing it with thoughts like “Yeah, I am rubbish. Why can’t I get anything right?”
But now, I responded differently: “No, I’m better than this. I will get around to it because I am not you. I haven’t done it yet, but I will.”
I’m not ignoring the inner critic or pretending the situation doesn’t exist. I’m simply countering it and refusing to let it define me. And guess what? This week, I will contact that client.
Why This Strategy Works
This approach is effective because:
- It’s not confrontational – You’re not trying to fight the critic head-on
- It acknowledges reality – You’re not in denial about your mistakes
- It provides counter-evidence – You’re giving your brain alternative information to process
- It establishes boundaries – You’re making it clear that you are not your inner critic
The Long-Term Impact
The sooner you begin implementing this strategy, the better. You won’t completely eliminate your inner critic, but you can:
- Make it less loud
- Reduce its frequency
- Decrease its impact on your decisions
- Break the cycle of self-sabotage
As your critic becomes less powerful, you’ll find more space for positive aspects of your life. You’ll be able to move forward with greater confidence and less internal resistance.
Remember This
You are not your inner critic. It’s definitely a part of you, but it’s not the whole picture. You are better than the voice that tries to tear you down.
The concept is simple, even if the execution isn’t always easy: You are better than this. You are better than what your mind is trying to tell you. You are not your inner critic.
What’s your experience with your inner critic? Have you found strategies that help you manage that internal voice? Share your thoughts and questions in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you and will do my best to respond.
