A candid reflection on patience, persistence, and the reality of personal transformation.
I’ve been on a journey of recovering from self-sabotage for a few years now, and there’s something I need to share with you if you’re walking a similar path: genuine self-improvement takes time. Not days, not weeks, but often years.
It’s a hard truth that our instant-gratification culture doesn’t want to hear, but it’s one I’ve had to accept as I’ve worked to undo decades of emotional neglect, self-sabotage and negative self-talk.
The Uncomfortable Reality of Change
Here’s what I’ve learnt: if you’ve spent years treating yourself poorly, whether through physical neglect, emotional abuse, or simply living with low self-esteem and a poor self-image, it should come as no surprise that healing may take just as long.
Think about it this way: if you’ve spent a lifetime sitting on the sofa, overweight and unfit, joining a gym and going twice a week for a month isn’t going to transform your body. You need to see the longer-term goal and focus on that. The same principle applies to your mental health.
I’ve had a lifetime of not being very nice to myself. A lifetime of emotional neglect, negative self-opinion, and self-sabotaging behaviours. After over a year of dedicated work, I know I’m making progress (my emotional and mental states are shifting) but I also know it could well take me years before I feel I’ve made truly significant progress.
And that’s okay.
Why Overnight Changes Are Rare (And Often Negative)
You see, very few people change overnight, and when they do, it’s usually trauma that causes it. And, sadly, the impact is typically negative. Real, sustainable change happens gradually, through consistent daily actions and persistent effort.
I’ve had to accept that this journey isn’t going to happen overnight. I’ve bought into the idea that this is where I’m going, what I need to do for my own wellbeing, and for the benefit of those around me who love me.
The Daily Practice of Self-Improvement
So what does this look like practically? It means:
- Being patient with yourself. Understanding that if you’ve had years of mental neglect, it could take years to get out of it, and preparing yourself mentally for that timeline.
- Staying tenacious and persistent. You’ll have ups and downs (that’s just life). The key is sticking with it regardless.
- Be kind to yourself. if you’re struggling, focus on self-care and self-compassion. They’re always a good investment.
- Making daily contributions. Every single day, do something (however small) that moves you towards where you want to be.
- Keeping the end goal in sight. Remember that the goal is worth it. When you get there, you’ll understand why the journey mattered.
My Message to You
So, if this is you, if you’re on your own journey of self-improvement or recovery, here’s what I want you to know: just hang in there. You can do this.
It probably won’t be an overnight transformation, but it will happen if you give it time and stick with it.
The progress might feel slow (it’s taken me the best part of a year to even begin to feel like I’m truly making headway) but that doesn’t diminish its value. The absolute key is to stick with it.
Remember: every step forward, no matter how small, is a win!
Every day you choose to be kind to yourself, every small step you take towards better mental health, every moment you resist old patterns of self-sabotage: it all adds up. The compound effect of these daily choices is what creates lasting change.
Be patient. Be persistent. Trust the process.
Your future self will thank you for not giving up.
What’s your experience with long term personal change? I’d love to hear your thoughts and answer any questions you might have about this journey. Just let me know in the comments section below:
